...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
