Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
