can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
