a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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