remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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