Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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