As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
