I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
