I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
