everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
