he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
