bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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