I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
