I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
