you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
