I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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