he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
