bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
