Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
