Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dick very happy bro
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
