My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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