I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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