Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
