You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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