i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
