wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
