Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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