She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
