His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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