I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
