i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
