Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
