Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
