why didn't you poke me back
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
