my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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