you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
