Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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