I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
