He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
