I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
