OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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