Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
