arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
