I didn't shave. On purpose
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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