whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
