all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
