I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
