i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
