his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
