just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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