I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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