He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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