Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
