you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
