I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
